Sunday, September 6, 2015

Heart Attack Grill Review

Sure it's kitschy. Catering to the hefty hearts of the typical American, Heart Attack Grill offers a free meal for those over 350 pounds. In fact, they've got livestock scales in front and inside the restaurant for those up to the task. With servers dressed as scantily clad nurses and the owner, Jon Basso, dressed as a "physician" prescribing "nutritional pornography," it's essentially Vegas personified. 

So while touring Freemont Street, I couldn't help but stop by with the GF's family. I mean c'mon. The Last Supper depicted by America's favorite fast food icons? Consider me sold and uptight cynics be damned.
Single Bypass Burger [$8.33]

The GF went with the single bypass burger, which was surprisingly decent. While the cheese could have been melted better and the bun was a bit tough and flour-dusted, the beef was well-seasoned, with the chili sauce making each bite. 

Double Bypass Burger [$10.18] + 10 Bacon Slices [$1.85]

I went with the double bypass burger, along with 10 "slices" of bacon. While the cheese could have been melted better on this burger as well, the chili sauce helped to make each bite nicely juicy. 

Fries [$4.63]

The matchstick fries were good - crispy and well-seasoned. 

Onion Rings [$6.48]

The onion rings were heart stoppers - literally. Deep-fried in pure-lard, they had a nicely crisp beer batter crust.

These sweet servers? Not so sweet if you don't finish your meal. The punishment? They get to spank you three times in front of the entire restaurant. I kid you not, these are not light swats. 

How do I know this? I finished my meal just fine. But after a trip to the restroom, I saw the rest of my party's meals somehow placed in front of my seat. With a twinkle in her eye, our server called out or me while patting her paddle. I'll spare you my own humiliation, but as you can see, I wasn't the only one punished this day! I'll admit though, I felt it the rest of the day anytime I sat down.

So if you're by Freemont Street, looking for an experience, and aren't uptight about life in general, check out Heart Attack Grill. It's not about the food, though surprisingly, it wasn't half bad. Rather, it's about living a little and trying something wacky. Or getting whacked.

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